i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
