i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
love makes seman taste better
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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