well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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