he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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