The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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