Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
