that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
