Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
