when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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