I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
