I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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