the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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