dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Houston, we have a squirter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
