I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
