It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
