My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What a dumb baby whore.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
