look no pants
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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