the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
