She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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