It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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