the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
