dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
