If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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