dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
