Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
operation have a gay friend backfired
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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