Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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