Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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