Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
