what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
