At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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