my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
