absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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