I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
