I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
