Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
