Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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