i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
