I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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