What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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