just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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