You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We are all done wearing pants today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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