nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
two words: eviction party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
