I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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