the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
