Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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