sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
