found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
