Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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