Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
