He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
