if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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