Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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