the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
