are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
